And I am soooo worried about so many things. Before I get into that, let me tell you about the last two days of staff development at my school.
Yesterday was the first time I met the rest of the staff. Everyone seems really nice, really. Everyone was offering to help me and especially the younger teachers practically took me under their wing socially. For instance, inviting me out to lunch with them even though, being seriously strapped for cash right now, I had brought mine. How do these young teachers afford buying 7 dollar sandwiches everyday? The only problem was, when I went out with them, they kept telling me how horrible the students are and how I'm going to be cussed out and how the kids are going to throw things out the windows and stuff. They were all saying, "I don't mean to scare you, I'm just trying to be real with you." I know, and I appreciate that, but it totally didn't help. I kind of knew all of that already, but it being my first day in a real job with real coworkers and all of them setting me up to expect failure - it ruined my day to say the least. My mom compared it to being pregnant and telling all your friends, but all they can do is tell you stories about how horrible labor is. Never having been pregnant, I'll take her word on that.
For me, I realized I basically felt homesick. I don't about you all, but sometimes when I am away from home for the first few nights of an extended stay, I get really sad and nervous and scared. I travelled to India once for a month (it was great, by the way), and I can still remember my first night there being one of the worst days of my life. I kept saying to myself, "What the hell was I thinking coming here for a month? I'm going to hate this so much." Well, that's exactly what I was saying to myself last night, except instead of fearing the next month, I was fearing the next year. Everyone keeps saying, "Just don't let the kids see you cry" and I would respond, "Oh yea, that won't be a problem." Meanwhile, I got home and I cried. I was holding back throwing up and crying all day. I couldn't eat and I couldn't look anyone in the eye. I got home and my mom asked me excitedly how my day went, and I cried. I'm very glad that I cried to her and not on this blog because I feel much better today.
Not to say I'm not still worried, because I am. Today I really came to understand that these children don't just have no support at home and haven't had a great education up until now, and even that many aren't just abused or witness abuse at home (if they aren't too busy raising themselves). I learned that a lot of the kids may have fetal alcohol syndrome or have been crack babies or maybe even have lead poisoning. So on top of being emotional disturbed by the troubling lives they are living in the ghetto, they may also have their very own minds working against them. I asked if I should expect to have emotionally disturbed kids in my class and was told I most certainly should. What can I say? I have no training for this. I have zero training on discipline, management, special education, inclusion, or anything of the sort. Hence, the constant worry.
But, as far as my mood goes, I am feeling better. It's becoming abundantly clear that despite all of these obstacles, every teacher in the school is really committed to the students. This isn't just a job - they really want to make a difference. I came into this profession not out of charity or wanting to better the world. I became a teacher because I love teaching. But now I'm seeing that I should really start to embrace this idea of changing the world one child at a time. I want to improve this school and work hard for these kids just like the rest of my coworkers. They are an inspiration, really. I should take the time to say again how great they are. I was fully prepared to write this blog without ever mentioning my administration for fear that they may discover my blog and I could get in trouble. But, as it turns out, I think I'll have nothing but good things to say about them. Of course, I've only been there two days. Maybe I shouldn't speak too soon ;-)
As far as my classroom, I've barely made a dent in the mess the previous teacher left behind. On the up side, I have discovered all sorts of school supplies like tape, chalk, staples, and even 2 boxes of printer paper (which teachers have to buy for themselves here). I also found an overhead projector (phew). I got keys to the classroom and storage room, too. So, I've found school supplies and I've started to organize the room in an orderly way, but I still don't know what I'm doing on the 5th day of school or beyond! I'm thinking of having a philosophical discussion about what is science and then having the kids do a free-write, mainly so I can see what their writing skills look like. I should probably get my hand on some other diagnostic tests as well to see just how much I'll need to differentiate (please, not much, please, please!).
I'm going to bed now like I should have done 45 minutes ago at 9:00pm (so lame). I'm going out tomorrow night with my boyfriend and his buddies to see Dave Chappelle in DC. Watch his bit be all about southeast schools or something. I'm totally looking forward to having a social life tomorrow, but I need to sleep a lot tonight if I'm going to last on 5 hours of sleep on Friday. I am oh so overwhelmed. Oh well - I'll get through it soon enough and forget I was ever worried in the first place. On that thought - Goodnight!
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4 comments:
Ouch. I think you are probably getting yourself into the roughest first year ever, but I think I have known you long enough to know that you will be able to handle it because you are such a strong person! I have complete faith in your ability to make a difference in these kids lives. It will probably be your biggest challenge to date, but remember that it is the challenges and how we deal with them that allow for personal strength and growth. Ok, I know that sounds cheesy, but I really think there is something to it. Plus, I think science is very different from math and english, etc, and it has so much more potential to really get kids excited about learning something. There are so many cool things in science. I really think you should start off (or towards the beginning at least) by having them make goo or something like that. Kids that enjoy the class and are interested wont cuss you out or throw things out the window (I think at least). Maybe the not throwing out the window would be another good classroom expectation...
I am a 7th grade math/science teacher in DC. I've been working in DCPS for seven years, and I've had experience in classroom management. Here's how I'm starting my science classes this year:
- Modeling, modeling, modeling of every expectation. Don't be worried about missing content. You have 13 different expectations, and you need to demonstrate--and have the students show you--exactly what the classroom looks/sounds/feels like when the expectations are met. It's not enough to just tell them what your rule is.
- Sweating the small stuff. We will send kids to "take a break" for the most minor infractions. This indicates that you're serious.
- Start teaching content with something basic. You don't know where these kids are, or whether they can work in groups. I am giving them a simple question with simple materials, so I can see how they work and think. Example:
Which of these brands of paper towels is the "best"? I give them basic materials (water, paper towels, cups, graduated cylinders if I have them) and see how they choose to answer the question. Of course, discuss (and have a rubric for) the expectations for working together in groups.
You seem very confident in your ability to teach science...so once the students know what you expect them to be doing at every moment, you'll be successful.
I'm happy to share my experiences with you, so contact me anytime. Good luck. neysa99_324@yahoo.com
neysa99 has given you some very good advice. I will try to just hit on one more point.
All the classroom management books I've read talk about avoiding the teacher's lounge. I think your encounter with the young teachers was a lot like my experience in the teacher's lounge my first year. I got so depressed listening to teachers who were burned out and really did not care about the kids. (I am not making any allegations about these teachers you met with, but I have heard their stories and complaints so many times before!) Of course, you do not want to isolate yourself, but just know your limits of listening to these people. It can get you down, and you need to try to be positive. Seek out those who will be supportive, even if that's just Mom or teachers on this website. The experience you are about to have is going to be difficult, no doubt, but you have to continue to believe that you can teach and teach well.
One other note... I think your expectations look good, but make sure that you are comfortable with all of them and that you understand the meaning of them before, as neysa99 said, you explain that meaning to your students. Speaking as someone who read one too many classroom management books, you need to have this stuff come from you, you need to believe in the procedures and rules you teach, and you need to be comfortable with consequences, etc. if that's the route you choose to take.
Good luck in this first week, and call home early and often if it helps! Be supported! (We are all pulling for you...)
E-mail or blog with any responses or questions.
Steve
I think the best thing you've done is put your feelings down in writing. I didn't do that my first year, and now in my ninth year I wish I would have to remind me how much you grow and change over the span of a career. As I've read your entries, I've empathized with you and remembered those days of wishing everyone would just stop telling me their horror stories, even though their intentions were good. (Oh by the way, I have had a child, and your mom was right in her comparison!) At the same time, I couldn't go to them enough to get information and run ideas by them. I think you'll be surprised at how open they will be to share productively when you go to them with ideas. The good new is this...the kids will appreciate your efforts if you help them succeed and treat them with respect.
Hang in there...before you know it, those first days of school jitters will be replaced with end-of the year programs and kids wishing you well for the summer!!
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